


Shore Leave

by RedBlueRoses



Category: Hornblower (TV), Hornblower - C. S. Forester
Genre: Age of Sail, Angst, Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-27
Updated: 2017-07-16
Packaged: 2018-09-20 07:14:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9480707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedBlueRoses/pseuds/RedBlueRoses
Summary: Four times Horatio Hornblower and Archie Kennedy were (more or less) on shore leave.





	1. Justinian

**Author's Note:**

> This story was mostly inspired by all the other "Hornblower" fanfictions here on AO3. Although I am afraid that Archie and Horatio drift off into out-of-character waters... I'm not a native English speaker, so I hope you can bear with me.
> 
> Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of this story. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No copyright infringement is intended.

     It was their first shore leave together. Archie had been glad when Horatio Hornblower had arrived on board the _Justinian_ about a week ago. The new midshipman was about his age, unlike many of the other midshipmen Archie worked with. It was a bit late, some even said too late, for Horatio to gain his sea legs, but Archie was eager to help him, although he also had laughed when the new boy vomited on the deck on his first day. Seasick in Spithead… Poor Horatio would probably never get rid of this label!

     But it wasn’t out of complete selflessness that Archie helped Horatio getting used to his new life on a ship and showing him the ropes, literally and metaphorically. On the one hand, it was a welcome diversion from the dull life aboard an anchored ship, just like the shore leave was, before the crew members would get at each other’s throat. On the other hand, it was also an opportunity to gain a new friend. Being among seamen way older than himself, Archie got a bit lonely. Or so he told himself, since he knew deep inside him the reason why nobody wanted to be friends with him. Except for Clayton who was all in all a good soul, but who was also too fond of his ration of rum.

     The reason why most were avoiding Archie was Jack Simpson, and since there was a chance Simpson might become a lieutenant and then be transferred to another ship, thus finally be free of him, there was also a chance to become friends with Horatio.

     That chance almost vanished three days ago when Simpson had returned to the Justinian, and the bully that he was, he began putting a stronger strain on all their lives. Sometimes Archie wondered if Captain Keene was actually aware of what was going on with Simpson and the other midshipmen, and would often give shore leave to those officers – without Simpson, of course, as a means of relief from the brutal man. Since this tyrant had failed his examination for lieutenant, he was in a very foul mood after arguing with Horatio when the two had met for the first time, and making Archie waking Horatio every half hour during the nights. And it hadn’t been the only thing Simpson had demanded of him... Horatio had also gone through Simpson’s notorious inquisition, trying to get any kind of secret out of him. Archie hadn’t been able to help or even protect his new friend, and he was relieved, but with a heavy conscience, that Simpson had turned his tantrums to Horatio. But somehow the new boy managed to fight back, making Archie feel worse about his helplessness, his cowardice… He had to find a way to somehow make it up for Horatio.

     Due to Simpson’s treatment, Archie and Horatio were quite tired during the day. Instead of drinking and feasting, as it was customary for seamen on shore leave, they would use it to get some good night’s sleep.

     Not that the two midshipmen had any money to spend for amusement. A room with a single bed for both of them at an inn at Spithead would have to suffice. Another reason for sharing the bed was that they also couldn’t afford a room with a chimney and would have to keep each other warm during the night.

     Both felt awkward when they saw the narrow bed. Horatio had grown up as an only child and always had had his own bed, so sleeping with someone else in one was rather novel to him. Archie had two brothers with whom he would sleep in a bed every now and then when one of them had had nightmares, so one might think he was comfortable doing this. Jack Simpson had changed it.

     The two friends got into their nightdresses without talking much, facing away from each other. After slipping under the blankets, Archie made sure he wouldn’t touch Horatio, which was nearly impossible considering how small their bed was.

     “Good night,” Archie said.

     “Good night,” mumbled Horatio into the pillow.

     Archie was lying at the edge of the bed when he fell asleep, back to back with Horatio.

***

    In the middle of the night, Archie woke up with a weight upon his chest. At first he thought it was another nightmare or fit, then his eyes got used to the darkness and he reminded himself where he was.

     The weight was real though. Archie startled when he found Horatio lying half on top of him, his head in the crook of Archie’s neck, his arm wrapped around Archie’s chest. Apparently, Horatio had turned around in his sleep after Archie had turned to lie on his back, thus ending in this delicate position. Horatio wasn’t awake.

     Archie laid perfectly still, with a fast heartbeat and unsure what to do now… Should he wake his strange bedfellow? He thought about how somber and shy his new friend was, and certainly Horatio would have been terribly embarrassed about what he had done, though unintentionally so. But staying like this till next morning was also not an option… Either way, Archie might lose his only friend if they woke up like this. So far, he probably had had a lot of luck that Horatio still wanted to have something to do with him. Clayton had disclosed to him that he did had a furious fit the night after Simpson had come back on the Justinian, but Archie couldn’t recall that. The older officer had also told him that Horatio had been so worried about him during this incident that he had tried to help him somehow… Usually, after witnessing one of Archie’s fits, many others would stay away from him. But Horatio didn’t.

     Archie got interrupted in his thoughts when Horatio took the decision away from him on what to do in their peculiar bed situation. Groaning, he shifted his head from Archie’s neck further down on Archie’s chest that was partly uncovered by his nightshirt and so got tickled a bit by Horatio’s thick curls.

     “Father…” Horatio murmured with an almost inaudible short sob into the warm skin.

     ‘He is homesick,’ Archie thought with a wry smile. That was quite normal for a young man away from home for the first time, not knowing when he would see his family again. If ever… Horatio had told him that his father was the only family he had. Archie remembered how homesick he was when he joined the navy. He also remembered that nobody had taken care of him back then, and he didn’t want Horatio to feel left alone. Perhaps he could make it up to Horatio like this… So instead of waking him, Archie put his arm around his bedmate’s shoulder, patting it gently. Though he was surprised about Horatio showing his homesickness in such an intimate fashion.

     ‘Of course he’s showing it like this,’ said a nasty little voice back in Archie’s mind. ‘He knows what you and Simpson are doing in the dark corners of the ship, everybody knows that! Jack always comes to you for comfort, so Horatio also comes to you for comfort. You know how this will end, he will use you.’

     Archie frowned, his throat and breast tightening. He closed his eyes, trying to ‘talk back’ to the gnawing voice.

     ‘No,’ he told himself, ‘Jack seeking his comfort with me always hurts me, but this here, Horatio here, is different…’ Horatio seeking his comfort with him felt very kind and innocent. Although he knew Horatio only for a few days, Archie couldn’t imagine that Horatio was that sort of a person. At least that was what he hoped. He didn’t want that stupid voice to destroy Archie’s trust in his new friend.

     But what if Horatio knew..?

***

     Before Archie nearly drifted back to sleep again, he noticed how Horatio’s meager body suddenly tensed in his arm.

    “What happened..?” Horatio asked. His cheeks slowly grew hot from embarrassment, his heartbeat quickening. He wasn’t doing anything to free himself from Archie though, aware of the arm slung around him.

     “You turned around in your sleep, and landed on me somehow,” Archie answered in a low voice.

     “Don’t you mind?” Horatio still didn’t dare moving and kept his head on Archie’s chest, face away from his bedfellow.

     “No… You were homesick… You talked in your sleep and said something about your father. I thought you might need the company.”

     Horatio remembered now. “I had a dream about him. When I was a small child, he used to hold me in his arms, or lifted me high up in the air to make me feel like I was flying… When I grew older, he stopped holding me and said to me that it was inappropriate to do so with a boy growing into a young man. My mother would still hold me now and then, but she died when I was twelve years old…”

     “I’m sorry about that,” Archie said. He wasn’t sure if Horatio was even fully awake and just confessing these things to him in a doze. But it was good to know that Horatio put so much trust into him. At least for himself, lying together like this wasn’t so embarrassing anymore. “Isn’t this here inappropriate for you?”

     Horatio had already begun to calm down a bit as soon as he had recalled the memory of his mother and father, but also because of Archie’s arm around his shoulder and Archie’s heartbeat close under his ear. His bedmate was as nervous as himself in their current situation. It felt strangely comfortable to know that he didn’t had to hide his feelings with Archie. “Yes, I guess it is. But only outside of this bed.”

     Archie was amused, not in a mocking, but in a rather affectionate way. “Then we should just sleep and don’t talk about this anymore tomorrow. Or any other time.”

     Coyly, Horatio’s lips curved into a smile. He closed his eyes, listening to Archie’s slowing heartbeat, and happy to have found a good friend in his shipmate.


	2. Indefatigable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I thought I take a bit of a different angle on this whole Archie/Simpson thing. In other fanfictions, Simpson is always described as a completely ruthless, drunk and dirty man, and I wanted to change that somehow, but... read for yourself.

     Horatio and Archie only had been for about a week midshipmen on the _Indefatigable_ when their captain had granted them two days of shore leave. The frigate needed some repairs, and because not all hands were needed – or handy in any repairing tasks – Captain Pellew didn’t want too many men idling aboard.

     It was just the two of them when they went to Spithead. Though Archie had enjoyed drinking with Hether and Cleveland ashore in the past, he was glad that Horatio was not too indulged into ale. He also wasn’t interested in going to a brothel, at least he didn’t express any wish to do so. Archie had grown weary of them anyway.

     They ate their supper at the inn they wanted to stay overnight – the same they had stayed at their first shore leave together not long ago. Every now and then, they talked a bit: Horatio about his navigational studies, Archie about the Shakespeare plays he had seen in London. Neither of them wanted to speak about Simpson anymore, too relieved to be free of him and able to chat about things that were more pleasant to them both. They also didn’t need to mention Clayton, his death still hanging over them like a shadow.

     It was February and therefore very cold during the night. When the two friends retired to their room that they would share, Horatio was still freezing, his slim body trembling, despite the hot stew and the warm grog they had.

     “You’re shaking more than a tree in a storm,” said Archie, “we shouldn’t stay awake any longer and warm you up under the blanket.”

     Horatio tried to unbutton his clothes, but his fingers were so clammy from the cold that he couldn’t grasp the buttons.

     “Let me do this,” sighed the other midshipman in an amicable tone.

     “I am fairly capable to undress myself!” snapped Horatio.

     “I know, I know, but not with that incapacitating chill in your fingers,” Archie chided him, brushing Horatio’s hands away and setting his own calloused ones to work. “Come on, sit down.”

     After a few moments of pondering, Horatio reluctantly sat down on the bed behind him, quivering, and let Archie help him out of his jacket, his waistcoat and his shirt. The shaking waned a bit. His friend aiding him was somewhat soothing, and Horatio even enjoyed being treated like this, although he would never admit it. This feeling was the same feeling that he had during their last shore leave.

     Archie tried to be as gentle as possible with Horatio. Slipping the dark blue jacket off his square, thin shoulders, opening the buttons of the waistcoat and pulling the shirt over Horatio’s tousling curls and his lean arms, made him think of his little brother whom he had helped to prepare for their regular bath. He noticed how his friend’s body calmed down, his features softened, and Archie found that his fondness for Horatio was a different one than that for his brother.

     Kneeling in front of Horatio, Archie got him out of his boots, too. The young men then became aware that Horatio was now sitting half-naked on the bed.

     “Uhm… I can take care of my breeches myself,” coughed Horatio, suddenly warming up quickly.

     “I was about to tell you so,” chuckled Archie. He had put the clothes next to Horatio on the bed and now stood up and took them away to a chair nearby. He proceeded to change himself into his nightshirt. They both had seen each other naked already, that was inevitable in the narrow conditions of a ship, but being on their own in a room was something else, so Archie wanted to give his friend and himself some privacy. Subconsciously, they had done the same on their first shore leave.

     Finally in his nightshirt, Archie turned around to find Horatio already snuggled under the fortunately thick blanket. Again, they couldn’t afford a room with heating. Archie huddled under the blanket, but when Horatio reached out for him with one arm, he stood up as if he had forgotten something.

     “Archie..?” asked Horatio with an almost indiscernible forlorn plea in his voice.

     Archie sensed his bedmate’s odd mood. Perhaps he was homesick again..? “I’m just getting our coats to put them over the blanket. It will be warmer for us with them,” he replied, reassuring Horatio that he wasn’t going away.

     He threw their coats over Horatio and slipped into bed. Archie hardly had covered himself with the blanket when Horatio grabbed him roughly to pull him close to him, putting his arms around Archie’s shoulders and back to hold him very tightly. Grumbling, Horatio tucked Archie’s head under his chin, his hold relaxing slowly.

     Archie’s body turned tense with panic. This situation reminded him horribly of the only shore leave he had with Jack Simpson last year. After Simpson had had his way with Archie, he would hold him tight, both still naked, while Archie would lie appalled and rigid next to him. When Simpson had fallen asleep, Archie took a look at his tormentor’s face. At first, he was thinking that this was the best opportunity to kill this man. That moment, all the things Simpson had done to him, all the pain and misery he had caused him had come into Archie’s mind, flooding him, and now the brute was holding him like his dearest lover..!

     But at the second glance, as Simpson loosened his strong grip, he looked kind of vulnerable, nearly childlike… Archie had taken back control over his anger, his rage, and of course he hadn’t been able to kill Simpson. He even began to feel something like sympathy or pity for the devil. Archie wondered if this tyranny was probably the only way Simpson could have an intimate relationship with someone…

***

     Archie always knew that he was attracted to men since before he went to the navy, seven years ago, when he was 14. He also knew that it was a sin. Archie wasn’t very religious, and he wondered why God, being against it, had created him like this.

     He was, at first, frightened when he read about the Articles of War and the severe punishment for ‘buggery’… Archie hated that word. But he soon found out that Article 28 wasn’t taken that seriously in His Majesty’s Navy. Many seamen had other seamen as lovers, usually on longer journeys, and mostly out of need for the lack of women. Archie despised that, too, and it wasn’t the sort of relationship he wanted to have…

     Lying in Simpson’s arms, Archie had distracted himself by remembering his first time with a man when he was 17 years old. He had spent one night with a beautiful young actor from Drury Lane in London who had played a supporting role in Hamlet and also had taught him a few things. Later, there had been a dashing marine, a passionate lad in his twenties with whom Archie had had a short affair during their passage to Gibraltar. Then there had been a handsome and bright lieutenant, not much older than him and with whom Archie had considered to start a longer relationship, despite the difficulties they would encounter in a war and despite the fact that their relationship would have to remain a secret. Unfortunately, the young officer had died in the first time they saw action together. That had happened shortly before Jack Simpson appeared in his life, one and a half year before their shore leave, after Archie had been transferred to the _Justinian_...

     Lying now in Horatio’s arms, Archie remembered how numb he had felt back then being held by Simpson like this… Despite his often violent appearance and behavior, Simpson was still in good shape for his age of about forty and after so many years in the navy, and he was always clean and took care of himself. Although he was so much older than Archie, and the fact that he wasn’t really Archie’s type… If Simpson had approached him like a proper gentleman that he was supposed to be in the Service… Maybe, then maybe Archie might have liked it to be with him. Sometimes, he recalled, Simpson was gentle with him. He had been gentle with him on the night of their shore leave. Archie had almost liked it…

***

     Archie woke up with a start. Horatio was still holding him, and perhaps because of that Archie had dozed off despite his more than unpleasant and awkward memories of Jack Simpson.

     ‘See?’ came the mean voice in his head forward again. ‘He’s using you, he already thinks he can do with you however he pleases…’

     Furrowing his brows, Archie searched for the bit of truth this voice had in its claim. But looking back at the time he had spent with Horatio so far, though only one and a half month, he was very sure by now that his new friend wasn’t that kind of man. Especially after the duel with Simpson, when Horatio’s place was taken by Clayton who gave his life in exchange for standing up against their common tyrant… Poor, good Clayton. Archie couldn’t decide what was worse, that Clayton had died in this duel or that Simpson had survived it… And Horatio didn’t seem to be over this incident, which was probably the reason for craving to hold Archie. After all, it was only inappropriate outside of their bed.

     At least they had gotten rid of their hideous bully, thanks to the transfer. Archie had learnt to know the new midshipman at his side better on the _Indy_. Horatio with his honesty and determination till the end, his unrivaled sense of honor and duty, all of which were mostly there to hide his insecurities and clumsiness… Why should Archie believe that Horatio had some ill will against him in his mind?

     ‘Moments ago, he grabbed you like a thing that belongs to him like a possession!’ answered the voice.

     Yes, he had grabbed him fiercely. But Horatio was probably just a bit too eager, considering his shyness and that maybe he didn’t knew any better. Or perhaps he was eager to give him something back from their first shore leave some weeks ago. And now, Horatio wasn’t holding him like a thing, he was embracing him more like a precious treasure, one hand patting Archie’s back slowly up and down, the other holding Archie’s head tenderly close to his chest, stroking Archie’s gold-ginger hair absently in his slumber.

     Archie nestled down to Horatio’s breast, breathing the warmth in he was wrapped in and fell asleep with a sense of security.


	3. El Ferrol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I think this is the part where it gets really out of character...

     For three days now Horatio was nursing Archie after he had tried to starve himself to death. He would give Archie every day a bit more of the tasteless, yet nutritious gruel they’d been given as food. Horatio’s father once had told him that people who hadn’t eaten for a longer period of time shouldn’t been given too much to eat at the beginning of their recuperation because they literally couldn’t stomach too much food at first. And since Horatio still marveled inwardly at the miracle to have found his friend alive after his disappearance during the action on the _Papillon_ , after such a long time, in the midst of a war and against all odds, he was very careful to not lose Archie again. Not after he had overseen Archie’s starving…

     “Thank you, Horatio, but I’m already stuffed,” said Archie after a few spoons.

     “Alright,” replied Horatio. He got up from his chair next to Archie’s sickbed and put the bowl half-full with gruel on the small table behind him. When he sat down again, he folded his arms and watched Archie, leaning on a pillow against the headboard of the bed, his eyes half-closed, half-open.

     They sat there in silence. Since their time on the _Justinian_ and the _Indefatigable_ , they both had learned to sit like this together, enjoying each other’s company without being bothered by talking about everything and nothing.

     Observing Archie like this – peacefully and maybe having some hope for his life regained – Horatio thought about how his friend had calmed down since he had told him that Simpson was dead after he had convinced Archie to stay alive. Horatio hadn’t talked with him about the bully when he found Archie in this prison, lying broken and weak in his bed; at that time it didn’t seem a good idea to tell him, perhaps upsetting him too much about this ghost from the past. But at some point Horatio had to tell him, hoping that it might benefit Archie in the end. Fortunately, Horatio’s risk had been rewarded; Archie’s fits had ceased since then and the nightmares hadn’t been as terrible the past few nights as before.

     While Horatio thought about Archie like this, he wondered what really had happened between his friend and Simpson. He always had had some vague idea about it in the back of his mind, but he couldn’t find the right words for it; or maybe he didn’t want to find the right words, afraid of saying something rather unspeakable…

     And yet, because it had helped Archie to talk about Simpson the first time, perhaps it would help him a second time.

     Horatio leaned closer to the bed. “Archie, are you awake?”

     “Hm?” answered Archie, fluttering his eyelids because he had dozed off.

     “There is something I want to ask you…”

     “Then ask me.”

      “Well… I don’t really know how to put this… it’s an uncomfortable topic and I don’t want you to get upset…”

     Archie rolled his eyes at his friend’s word fidgeting. “Horatio, what is it?”

     “…Then I’ll be very frank… What happened between you and Simpson? It seems to me that it was more than just the usual bullying and beating that we others received. You calmed down since I told you that Simpson is dead.”

     Archie turned his face to the front, staring blankly into the nothing before him, while his mouth became a thin line. He hadn’t expected this question. Archie’s cheeks felt hot with shame. “I… I thought maybe you knew…”

     Horatio sighed. “That’s what Clayton told me, too. Back then, on the Justinian, I once asked him why Simpson and you would often disappear together only to reappear some time later separately. ‘Don’t you know?’ he asked, puzzled. I also replied puzzled: ‘Know what?’ Clayton looked at me miserably and said: ‘If you haven’t noticed by now, then it’s better if you don’t know.’”

     “Horatio, please…”

     “I’m aware it’s difficult for you to talk about this. But I just want to understand, and not being treated like a child that shouldn’t know about certain things! I promise you, I will never ask you about it ever again if you answer me now.”

     Panic and even more shame were slowly crawling up Archie’s chest, so he turned his head away from Horatio. Archie had always hoped that his friend was either oblivious to what was going on between him and Simpson, or that he was aware of it but did not care or pretended to not know. Apparently, Horatio had always been somewhere between oblivious and knowing.

     But now that the actual question was out, it had shocked Archie, and next to the panic that he tried to keep under control as much as possible, he was afraid; afraid of losing Horatio if he knew the whole truth, afraid of being left behind when they tried to escape from the prison.

     Gulping, Archie said: “If I tell you, you will be disgusted by me and you don’t want to have anything to do with me anymore…”

     He couldn’t see the fond smile that appeared on Horatio’s lips, but he felt Horatio’s hand patting his shoulder gently. “There is nothing that Simpson could have done to you that would make me think any less of you, Archie.”

     Slowly, Archie turned his head to Horatio. His smile encouraged him, but he still needed some time to brace himself for this moment of truth that would decide about the future of their friendship.

     Looking down on his blanket, Archie fumbled nervously with it like Horatio had fumbled with his question earlier. “Alright then, I tell you,” he finally said in a low voice. “You know about the Articles of War, right?”

     Horatio frowned. “Yes, of course I know them!”

     “Then you surely know about the 28th…”

     Remembering this article, the realization that Horatio always had in the back of his mind slowly but gradually dawned upon him.

     “Well… God, I don’t even know how to say this… Simpson and I, we… broke it for about a year…”

     Horatio’s eyes widened in shock.

     “I was Simpson’s molly… his whore…”

     “Don’t say that!” protested Horatio. He sat rigidly straight on his chair, still not believing what he had just heard. “I don’t want you to talk like this about yourself. I mean… he forced you?!”

     Archie wasn’t able to look his friend into the eye. “I don’t know anymore… At first, I was fighting back. But Simpson was too strong for me… I guess he didn’t had to force me after a while…”

     Horatio abruptly stood up from his chair, making it slide a bit back. He began pacing the room up and down, from the bed to the door, one time, a second time, a third time… His hands were painfully clenched to fists from the blood that was boiling in him. How could he have been so blind?!

     “If I had known this,” Horatio snapped, opening and closing his fists helplessly, “if only… God, I wish I had killed the man myself!”

     Archie was surprised by Horatio’s reaction. At first he thought Horatio was angry because he had given up fighting Simpson back. “Horatio, there was nothing you could have done about this.”

     Horatio was barely able to calm down, his chest heaving furiously from breathing.

     ‘Of course I could have done something about this,’ Horatio thought, ‘why else did I want that duel?!’ The duel Clayton had taken away from him… The duel hadn’t been just to stand up against Simpson, but also as a way to protect Archie. Horatio had been reminiscing about this when Archie had disappeared.

     That reminded Horatio of what also had happened between himself and Archie during shore leave, their comforting while sharing a bed. It never had gone any further than holding each other. The memory of how secure he had felt with Archie came back to his mind. And how he had missed this feeling when his friend went missing. It wasn’t possible to do these kind of things with one of the other officers, of course, what an absurd thought. It had only been possible with Archie…

     Horatio remembered that one morning when he had woken up with Archie in his arms, almost squeezing the air out of him. He was absolutely embarrassed that moment and hadn’t been able to say anything. Later, shortly before they had left their room, he had apologized to him, but Archie had been alright with it. ‘I already said this during our first shore leave to you, we don’t have to mention it,’ he had just said.

     Not only was anger flaring in Horatio, but also great shame due to his own behavior. Considering how Simpson had violated Archie, he probably hadn’t been any better than the tyrant, demanding intimate things of him for granted, without asking for permission. And on top of that, the guilt of having struck Archie before the raid on the _Papillon_ was choking him.

     Horatio sat gloomily back on his chair, his palms rubbing his thighs. After all, this wasn’t about him, this was about Archie. “You endured so much with Simpson bravely, and all the while you were comforting me…” he said huskily, casting his eyes down to the floor.

     Archie scoffed at himself, grimacing at first, but his features soon saddened. “I don’t feel that brave… Rather a coward for not standing up against him… But then, I was also afraid that they would hang me together with Simpson, he would have managed to do that somehow… And you? You were always kind to me…” Archie didn’t want Horatio to feel bad, and tried to tell him so. “I trusted you. I still do in these matters. I knew that you didn’t had any bad intentions, and you never hurt me.”

     Horatio sighed, but somehow he wanted to believe that Archie trusted him. He came to a decision. After some moments, gently and hesitantly, he took Archie’s hand, anxious that it’s too frail to be hold strongly. “I won’t do this anymore, asking you for these things without your permission, if it should ever happen and especially if we make it out of here. From now on, I will treat you appropriately.”


	4. Back on the 'Indy'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the sentimental ending of this totally out-of-character story... enjoy!

Here they were again, finally back in England. Because Horatio and his men had saved some Spanish seamen from a dangerous situation at sea, they had been set free by the Spanish government. It had been an insanely hazardous undertaking, but they had been rewarded for it and had been able to join the Indefatigable again. Though they had been for about another month at sea before they could set foot on beloved home soil.

The Indefatigable anchored in Portsmouth and would stay in the harbour for a few days to refill her provisions. Archie and Horatio were allowed to go on shore, and because the Indie had captured a French frigate, a good prize ship, the two friends liked to hear the many coins clinging in their pockets after they received their money. It was high time to celebrate their freedom and return, and so both were in exceptionally high spirits.

Their first goal on the beginning of a long evening and possibly longer night was to go to an inn where Horatio had been told that the food was supposed to be great. After the rations in prison and on a ship, Archie and Horatio permitted themselves to feast upon more than full plates. Not only did they think they deserved this, but they would also need a good base for their drinking later…

The whole time they would go from tavern to tavern, leaving their money for ale, claret and port, with singing and merrymaking when on the street (though Horatio had to throw up once).

„Archie, we have to find a place to stay over night,“ Horatio said shortly after midnight. He already had drunk more than he could hold and was again a bit green around his cheeks. „Although… since you have been in prison for so long… Maybe you would like to be with a woman?“

Archie gave a hearty laughter to this. „Do you really think that I - „ He caught himself just in time before he would tell Horatio things that would probably put him into danger. „Ahem, never mind…“ Fortunately, Horatio was too drunk to notice his hesitation. „Do you want to be with a woman tonight?“

A slight pink was suddenly mixing with the green on Horatio‘s cheeks. Why did he had to start this topic? Of course he had had his share of women while on shore leave, especially when Archie had disappeared. It was mostly the loneliness that had drove him to one doxy or another, and because, as a man and sailor, he was expected to do these kind of things. But Horatio had always felt awkward with these women, being so aware of his own body and its needs; and after it, he strangely had felt lonelier...

„No, I don‘t want to be with one either,“ Horatio finally answered. „I don‘t have enough money anyway… It‘s just enough for a place to sleep, I guess.“

„Neither do I have any more money,“ chuckled Archie, glad that they dropped this subject. „Let‘s just get us a room then, eh?“

An inn farer away from the port still had some rooms left. The female innkeeper, a middle-aged lady, eyed them suspiciously as soon as the two young officers had entered. 

„She‘s probably worried that we two drunkards might cause any trouble,“ said Archie, hitting Horatio‘s back with his palm in a supposedly friendly gesture that made Horatio become even greener. „Don‘t worry, I‘ll woo her.“

Archie took his hat off theatrically and walked to the reception desk, leaning with his two arms on it without a care in the world. Horatio shook his head over his friend‘s show off, though he was also amused by it.

„Do you, mylady, have a room for two sailors who have just enough money to share a bed? Because they are too drunk for any more mischief tonight,“ Archie winked.

„Cheeky little sod,“ the innkeeper gave in, smirking. „I‘ll give you a room, but you REALLY should be too drunk and tired for any mischief.“

„Promise!“ said Archie, waving his hat to Horatio.

**

After the innkeeper led them to their room, Horatio closed the door behind them, and just now he realized that he and Archie would share a bed again. He sobered up slowly; his temples began to pound more and more noticeably. His body ached for the soft bed that was not too narrow, but also not too big in the middle of the room. But after everything Archie had told him in El Ferrol, Horatio felt uneasy about sharing a bed again with his friend who had been through so many things.

„Perhaps I should sleep on the chair...“ Horatio finally said, taking his coat off.

„Why, you would only catch a cold!“ Archie responded cheerfully, or apparently so. His back was turned towards Horatio while he was undressing. „And I would probably be scolded by the captain because I didn‘t look after the health of his favourite lieutenant...“ 

„Archie...“ said Horatio with reproach.

At first, Archie thought that Horatio wanted to remind him that he wasn‘t Captain Pellew‘s favourite. But then he stopped in the middle of his undressing. Despite his drunkenness, Archie became very clear about why Horatio had asked him to sleep on the chair. The last few hours, days, or even weeks he just had been so glad to be free again, to be on the Indie again. And to be at Horatio‘s side in this freedom... So he almost had forgotten about what he had told Horatio in the Spanish prison. The small voice told him from the back of his mind that Horatio was probably just disgusted by him, and naturally didn‘t want to share a bed with him. But Archie had managed to control the voice, to keep it small and as back in his mind as possible.

„I don‘t mind sharing a bed with you,“ Archie said after a short pause and quite sober. „I appreciate your concern, but...“ He turned a bit towards Horatio, „can‘t it be like before El Ferrol? We can be just ourselves here in the privacy of this room, and then don‘t mention it once we left it. Can‘t we treat our time in prison likewise?“

Horatio scratched the back of his head. „Well, if that‘s how you think...“ he said hesitantly. Speaking the truth, Horatio was relieved that Archie didn‘t mind sharing the bed; he had missed this privacy they also shared with it. But still, Horatio tried to find an excuse, since he didn‘t want look too intrusive. He went to the bed and lifted the ready blanket to sit down, face away from Archie. Horatio continued: „And besides, you are probably right about catching a cold. Again, we can‘t afford accomodations with a chimney...“

„But this time,“ Archie added with a smirk, „it‘s not because we didn‘t had enough money in the first place, but because we already spent it!“ He joined Horatio, snugging with him under the blankets.

**

The fatigue due to drink and food won over them very quickly, so that Horatio and Archie fell asleep very soundly. Hours later, a faint light coming through the window woke Archie; he was too sleepy to tell the exact hour, but it must have been close before dawn. Archie remembered that he and his friend had to be on the Indefatigable at noon, and that thought made him smile, because it meant that they could sleep till late in the morning. 

Archie turned around to find Horatio‘s face lying almost next to his own; they weren‘t holding each other this time, like in earlier times. Archie stayed still, enjoying the sight of Horatio‘s features on the same pillow next to him, and listening to his friends calm breathing, as well as feeling the warmth that was emanating from his friend‘s body, keeping each other comfy under the blanket of a chilly room.

„You alright?“ Horatio suddenly asked, whispering and smiling in the darkness. Despite the faint light and their closeness, Archie, due to being so drousy, hadn‘t been able to see when Horatio had opened his eyes.

„Mmh-m, I think so,“ Archie replied in a slurry voice; he touched his throbbing head. „But I start to notice all the wine we head...“

„Yes, I can feel that, too… And I didn‘t had as much as you!“ said Horatio, laughing with Archie in a low tone.

But despite their common headache, it was like in earlier days, on earlier shore leaves. Except for one thing… Horatio had been very careful as to not being too close to Archie that he might have ended almost suffocating his friend while holding him during their sleep. But in reality, he was missing holding Archie… He had missed Archie…

„May I hold you?“ Horatio finally asked.

Archie had his face half-buried in the pillow and tried to avoid Horatio‘s eyes, though he couldn‘t see much of them in the darkness. He had been looking forward to their shore leave, but he also had been afraid of how and where to spent the night. Yes, Archie wanted to be hold by Horatio, and to hold him. But he also had some other worry in his mind.

„You still want to do this, after everything I told you..?“ Archie said in a husky voice. „I am dirty… damaged goods that has been used and thrown away. You still want to hold me despite all this?“

Horatio was startled by Archie‘s reaction. He would have never considered his best friend as ‚dirty‘, so he didn‘t really understood what Archie meant by it. Simpson had done all these terrible things to Archie, he had been the culprit, and he got the punishment that he had deserved.

„I can assure you, Archie,“ Horatio said, proffering a hand to stroke some hair out of Archie‘s face, „that you are the cleanest and purest person I‘ve ever known.“ Horatio knew that he sounded awfully sentimental, something that he really hated, but it was the true nature of his feelings; he also couldn‘t think of any other way to express himself. „Despite the fact that we both are covered in sweat after such an evening...“

Archie chuckled, the reaction Horatio had hoped for. Then, Archie drew closer to his friend, laying his head on Horatio‘s chest and putting his arms around his waist. Horatio carefully wrapped his arms around Archie, tugging his head under his chin. They listened to each other‘s breathing, felt each other‘s heartbeat, and sleep came over them gently. Although both were not sure how far their friendship would go in the future, they fell asleep with the good feeling that they had each other and were there for each other.


End file.
